Loves' Denial
by Emilx311
Summary: Spencer had always been fine on his own and no name on his wrist was going to change that, soulmate or not. Derek thought he wasn't worthy of his after Buford. Garcia just wants them to stop being idiots already. Soulmate AU. Slash.
1. Introduction

**A.N.** Hey Guys! Yep that's right I'm posting something new, and a multi-chapter fic at that O_O. I know it's a shock, but I hope you enjoy. My vision of this world is that you have your soulmates words on your wrist and the name is almost always romantic so things like gay relationships have always been accepted because your name trumps all. That's why neither Spencer or Derek freak out over having a guy's name and no one around them comments on it. Also, I've seen a lot of fics where Spencer fights the bond and Derek is all for it, but after everything with Buford I think that he would fight it as well-not for the same reasons though. Because of that, and because I'm writing this there will be a LOT of angst as we go along. Happy ending for this one though eventually-pinky promise. Also I grabbed all info off CM wiki, so if spelling or dates are wrong blame them. Please Reid and Review!

 **Loves' Denial**

 **Introduction**

"Our universe grants every soul a twin-a reflection of themselves -the kindred spirit – And no matter where they are or how far away they are from each other- even if they are in different dimensions, they will always find one another. This is destiny; this is love." – Julie Dillon

* * *

Spencer Reid had never really been a believer in the soulmate system. He'd been born with the name _**Derek Morgan**_ written in clear black lettering on the inside of his right wrist. Since he'd been born with the name he knew that his soulmate-Derek was older than him. How much older exactly and what they were like he would not know until they met in person. This was not an even he was looking forward to.

Spencer had seen early on that soulmates were not a guarantee. Perhaps when he'd been very young he'd believed in the system, and in Disney stereotypes, but no longer. When his father had left those beliefs had shattered.

His mother and father had been soulmates. He could remember when he was very young, before everything fell apart he would trace their marks while his mother told him of how they met and his father smiled at her with a face full of love. She would talk and he would dream of Derek Morgan and of happy ever afters. Then she had gotten sick, his father had left, and everything had changed.

In her worst moments his mother would scream and rant about how the names were fake and how the government used them to control the people. This, Spencer knew was not true. Numerous studies had been done on the marks. Not much was truly known about them. Everyone knew that people like himself who had been born with the marks had soulmates who were already and that those who were not born with them had their marks burn themselves onto their skin the moment their mate was born no matter where they were on what they were doing. What no one knew was where the marks came from, or why a few people (about 1% of the population) was born without marks. Spencer had no more answers then the others, but he was certain that wherever the marks came from it was far bigger and more powerful than the government would ever be.

So, it was not the insane ramblings of his mother that destroyed what little faith he may have had left in soulmates after his father's abandonment, but rather her silent and broken longing in her sober moments. He was a genius with a predisposition to schizophrenia and a broken family; the last thing he needed was another force in his life that could push him over the edge. So, as he did with most things in his life that he didn't like to think about (it was a rather long list) he firmly pushed the idea of soulmates and all thoughts of Derek Morgan out of his brain.

Spencer made sure to wear either long sleeves, some sort of cuff over his wrist or both to cover the name. He also perfected a poker face so that when the meeting did happen he would be able to show no visible sign of recognition. His hope and plan was to walk away from that meeting without the other person-without Derek Morgan-even knowing they had met. What Spencer didn't know was that thousands of miles away in Chicago his soulmate was doing almost the exact same thing.

Derek Morgan had not been born with his words. When he was younger this had worried him. As other kids talked about their names and what their future mates might be like he kept to the background silent and worried that he was one of the rare 1% without a name. Finally he asked his ma about it and she explained kindly that he did have a name-they just hadn't been born yet. This reassured him and his belief in soulmates came back stronger than ever

The years went on, and just as his faith was again beginning to waver a name burned itself unto his wrist. He remembered the exact date; October 9th, 1981. He was ecstatic as he read the name over and over again, ingraining it in his memory. _**Spencer Reid.**_ He wondered what sort of person the other male would be, how they would meet, and how they would live. For two blissful years he dreamed of Spencer and the life they would have before disaster struck and shattered his dreams irreparably.

Derek was ten and suddenly the moment he remembered perfectly every time he closed his eyes was no longer when Spencer's name had burned itself unto his wrist, but rather when his father had been shot right in front of him. He saw his mother's grief, and for the first time saw the downside to soulmates. How could someone go on without half their soul? His dreams filled with a faceless form he somehow knew was Spencer dying and leaving him only half alive, a gaping hole in his chest, and only half a heart.

Unable to deal with the trauma of his father's death, his mother's grief, and his own nightmares Derek started doing anything he could to forget He bought a leather cuff and for the first time since it had appeared began to cover Spencer's name on his wrist. He also started fighting.

The fighting felt good. It helped him forget everything except for the rush of battle, and the feel of flesh under his fists. He stopped caring about his fading mother, forgot his dead father and the soulmate who would likely kill him in the heat of battle. A part of him hoped that the fighting would kill him before Spencer could ever get the chance.

This of course could not go on forever, and eventually the end came in the form of Carl Buford. Buford introduced Derek to football where he could get the same high as in the fight without hurting anybody and got him back on track. At first it seemed great, perfect really-almost too good to be true, which it would soon prove to be.

Derek had almost started believing in the beauty of soulmates again, had been thinking of taking the cuff off Spencer's name when the abuse started. He'd believed Buford of course, had known that with his record and Buford's reputation no one would believe him. He'd known it would break his mother's heart all over again right as it was finally starting to heal. He'd known these things to be so, so he'd kept his mouth shut and had taken it.

Every time Buford took him on a "camping trip" or gave him "extra training" he'd kept his mouth shut. He bit his lips and forced the tears back inside his eyes if they tried to leak out. He kept his mouth shut even as he went home feeling more and more dirty. He kept his mouth shut even as he started having trouble looking his ma in the eyes.

By the end of it-by the time he went off to college he was certain he was too dirty for anyone decent to love. So he kept Spencer's name hidden and promised himself that if he ever met the other he would walk away instead of forcing them to live with someone as dirty, as broken, as used as he was.

* * *

"Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life." – Merle Shain


	2. Chapter 1

**A.N.** Hey guys, surprise an update! Don't get used to having them so often, but this had the biggest response I've ever had to a fic so consider it a reward for being amazing! Hope you enjoy. I'm not 100% happy with it, but I think it's decent at least. I'm trying to stick with the cannon timeline as much as possible, but no matter where I looked I couldn't find out when Derek joined the BAU. Spencer joined when he was 22 so 2003, and since Derek is a few years older my headcannon is that he joined two maaaybe three years before this. Also, Garcia didn't join till 2004 officially (according to the wiki), but I wanted her there before Spence for this fic so assume she'd been recruited 6 months to a year prior to this. Finally, as narrator I will mostly be using Derek and Spencer's first names, but last names for everyone else. It's how I think of them. Enjoy and please drop a review :)

 **Loves' Denial**

 **Chapter One**

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."-Carl Jung

* * *

Spencer couldn't help but stare at all the amazing and new things around him as Gideon led him through the FBI's base at Quantico up towards the wind which was reserved for the BAU. If he was honest with himself he'd never really thought he would make it this far. Sure he was a genius with an IQ of 187 and able to read 20,000 words per minute, and yes he had 3BA's as well as 3 PhD's, but that was all just book smarts. Spencer was well aware that the FBI required more than just book smarts, and he was sure that without Gideon's help and support he would never have been able to so much as step foot in this place!

Spencer had met Gideon after attending a lecture on profiling the older man had been giving at Spencer's school in his spare time. Spencer had been so impressed with the lecture that he'd decided to stay behind to introduce himself to the other. Gideon had taken in his stick like body as well as his young age (only 20), and had treated him a bit sceptically at first. Thankfully after some discussion and a flurry of emails back and forth Gideon had taken him under his wing and now after almost a year of knowing him had almost become the father figure Spencer had longed for since he was young and his real father had left.

Gideon understood him. He listened when Spencer spoke and never pushed him on the things he didn't want to talk about. This included the cuff he wore over his soulmark. From the time he'd bought his first cuff soon after his father had left, Spencer had almost never gone without one. When he absolutely did have to he made a very conscious effort to not even look at the name on his wrist, the name that he knew would bring nothing but pain.

It wasn't taboo to wear a cuff over your name, but it was far from common and did cause people to wonder. Unlike others Gideon had never pushed him to reveal the story. He had only asked if the reason behind the cuff would interfere with his ability to work. Spencer had said no, and the subject had been dropped.

It had been after that conversation that Gideon had really begun to push him into joining the BAU. The process had taken another year, as well as multiple special exceptions to the usual criteria, but thanks to Gideon he'd gotten in.

The childish part of him radiated glee when he received his badge and gun (which he had actually passed his certification for) for the first time, and while he held it together as always on the outside on the inside he was jumping for joy. He'd made it. He could finally use his skills, his genius in a productive way; a way that could and would help others! He was truly standing on his own two feet-no soulmate needed thank you very much universe. He could take care of himself, and if his life up till now hadn't proven in then this certainly did.

Still, for all that he was ecstatic Spencer did have to admit that he was also nervous. He'd known Gideon for two years at this point, and he'd met their unit chief SSA Aaron Hotchner (Call me Hotch) numerous times while negotiations for his position had been going on, but this would be his first time meeting the rest of the team. In fact with everything else going on he'd never even learned their names. This was what was going on in his mind as the elevator reached their floor and he stepped off after Gideon clutching the strap of his satchel a bit more tightly to help ground him.

Following closely behind Gideon he pushed past fairly impressive glass doors displaying the FBI logo and stepped into a room that looked like almost every government office ever. The main room held many desks, each obviously belonging to a separate person as evidenced by the personal trinkets and photos scattered around. He assumed that the single empty one was to be his. At the far end of the office where stairs leading up to an open upper level which circled the rest of the room like a balcony. Spencer could see several office doors around the circle. He assumed these belonged to the senior staff like Gideon and Hotch. Finishing off the office look were the numerous professionally dressed agents bustling all over the area going about their business, and in the case of a few throwing curious looks at him and Gideon.

"This will be your desk from now on" Gideon told him while steering them through the sea of people and desks towards the empty desk he'd observed earlier. "That's Hotch's office up there, and mine right beside it if you need anything" he added pointing. Spencer nodded, the information already firmly ingrained in his photographic memory.

"Hey Gideon, who's the kid?" A light, but deep voice asked from Spencer's left. Turning he surveyed the male who'd asked the question. He was tall, African American, and looked completely at ease within his own skin. He seemed to project a completely comfortable and carefree air even as his sharp brown eyes catalogued every inch of Spencer. Something about the unknown male seemed to pull at Spencer, but he shut down those feeling quickly knowing it could do him no good to get involved with anyone else who worked here.

Gideon answered his question easily. "This is Dr. Spencer Reid. Reid this is SSA Derek Morgan, another member of the team".

Spencer forced himself to give nothing away as he met Derek's eyes and gave him a small polite smile. Any nerves that may have shown through appeared simply to be the nervousness of a new team member meeting an experienced one.

"Pleased to meet you, I hope we will be able to work well together" Spencer greeted holding his hands up to show that he didn't shake and accidentally exposing his cuff.

"Yeah, back at you kid. Gideon's been regaling us with stories about this genius he met; never mentioned your name, or that you would be so young though." Derek replied teasing a bit while flashing Spencer a casual smile, though his eye's did flicker towards the exposed cuff around Spencer's wrist a couple of times.

They lapsed into silence, and while the air around the two had a slightly awkward quality to it there was no notable differences between their first meeting and what would have been expected for the first meeting of two normal colleagues with as many differences as they had. Years of practice had ensured that neither gave any of what they may really have been thinking away in their body language, so the meeting of the two soulmates went completely unnoticed, even by said soulmates themselves. Both Derek and Spencer assumed because of the lack of reaction that the matching name was simply a coincidence, and that the other did not bear the match to their marks, causing them both to breathe inward sighs of relief.

Spencer was well aware that it was perfectly possible that he would meet another Derek Morgan besides the one he was apparently destined for. Years ago in a rare moment of curiosity about his mark he had looked up how many Derek Morgans there were currently in the United States. Not counting those younger then him there had been 184* people with that name. That gave each one including the one he had just met an approximate 0.54% chance of being the correct one, and that's not even taking into account the possibility that "his" Derek Morgan lived outside the states.

Derek for his part didn't know the exact probability that Spencer was his match, but he did know that it was perfectly possible if a bit rare to meet someone with the same name as your match before you met them since the mark gave only first and last names, not middle or nicknames which would help narrow it down. He also knew how people reacted when they met their soulmates. He'd personally witnessed many such meetings, both good and bad in the past and nothing in this Spencer's posture indicated that he'd just done so. Of course Derek conveniently glossed over the fact he'd just met a possible match and shown no reaction. The idea that his mate would make himself known at their meeting had been too far ingrained in Derek's mind for him to even consider that Spencer would just say nothing.

It was Gideon who inevitably broke the moment no one realized was happening by reminding Spencer that they needed to get on with their office tour. Derek shot them both one last confident grin before getting back to whatever he was supposed to be working on at the moment and letting Gideon and Spencer get on with their tour, which Gideon did by introducing Spencer to the team's media liaison Jennifer Jareau or as she preferred to be called JJ a perky but kind sporty looking blond. Gideon also showed him where her office was. Afterwards they headed into the bowls of the building a bit towards their last stop; the "lair" of tech analyst Penelope Garcia.

"Enter Mortals to the domain of the tech goddess" she called as they knocked. Spencer shot an unsure look at Gideon, surprised at the unprofessional greeting. Gideon for his part simply looked resigned if a bit unhappy.

Spencer's first impression of the self-titled "tech goddess" and her lair was colourful. The room was lit by the light of many large computer screens which Spencer had expected. What he had not anticipated was the volume of colourful nick knacks and fluffy pens which seemed to take up all available space. The woman perched on the chair in the middle of the room matched her decorating scheme perfectly.

She had bright blond hair, slightly lighter than JJ's which hung on either side of her head in ponytails. She was wearing a bright pink blouse which Spencer was certain was not regulation, but which perfectly matched both her heels and her lipstick as well as the flowers on her flowy white skirt. Accessioning this were two or three necklaces of various lengths, too many bangles to count on one arm as well as a few rings all of which seemed to have been decked out in sparkles.

"Oh hello sir, how can I hel-who is this delectable dish?" Garcia asked breaking off her original question as she spotted Spencer behind Gideon.

"Garcia, this is Dr. Spencer Reid. He is the newest member of our team" Gideon said showing not reaction to the eccentric female while Spencer offered her a small wave in greeting.

"Heya kid genius! Any info you need you come to me ya hear? Now, you have a cellphone yes?" Garcia demanded as she bounced up to him. Feeling rather shell shocked Spencer silently fished out his rather out of date phone and watched as Garcia snatched it out of his hands. She frowned in disapproval over the old model, and then programmed what he presumed was her number into it.

"There you go, now you always have a direct line to the center the center of all knowledge, moi!" She said giving him a thousand watt grin and confirming his hypothesis about what she had been doing with his phone. Still feeling rather overwhelmed Spencer managed to murmur his thanks as Gideon guided him out the door.

Gideon finished up the tour by showing Spencer pertinent places such as the break room and the washrooms, and then taking him up to Hotch's office to check in with the boss. They confirmed with him that Spencer had met the rest of the team members without causing any sort of catastrophes (that anyone knew of at least). Hotch welcomed Spencer to the team again, and put him straight to work by sending him down to his desk with a stack of forms he needed to complete, and so started Spencer's career at the BAU.

* * *

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."-Anais Nin

 **A.N.** *I did not make this number up. I googled about repeated names and found a cite that told me how many people with the name Derek Morgan currently lived in the states. I took that number and did the math. It's probably not 100% accurate, but it gets the point across.


	3. Chapter 2

**A.N.** Author peeks out from behind a brick wall-Hey all. Sorry this took so long, but um finding transcripts for criminal minds episodes is appairently really really hard. Also, writting from a transcript is weird, but since I want to be as correct as possible I kinda needed to. And added to that the script ebing online means it's a bit hard for me to write on the go. Good news is that this chapter is like double the length of the previous two! Also, I switch from Spencer/Reid and Derek/Morgan depending on who's POV it is. Since I relate more to Spencer he's more often the POV character. Anyways Enjoy, review, and please don't kill me 3 *hides again*

 **Loves' Denial**

 **Chapter Two-Season 1 Episode 1 Part 1**

* * *

Joseph Conrad said, "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."

Time had flown since the day Spencer had joined the BAU. He'd bonded with the team, and even his awkward first meeting with Morgan had been all but forgotten. He felt completely at home with the team now, like he belonged completely. He looked up to Hotch, respected Morgan, adored J.J., and even enjoyed Garcia's special brand of insanity. Gideon, of course, remained his mentor and confidant. He'd guided Spencer and pushed him until he was able to stand certain of his place here. Everything was going as well as it could when serial killer and other criminals were part of the equation. Of course, it would be just as Spencer was really starting to settle into his place that Boston happened.

Nothing about the case seemed to indicate a major problem. Serial bomber, signature was his handcrafted and delivered bombs wrapped in brown paper with the address printed on them I neat blue ink. The locals couldn't deal with it on their own, so they'd sent for the FBI and the FBI had sent their team.

Everything had started out as normal. They'd built the profile, and have eventually narrowed down the suspects to Adrian Bale. They'd gone to bring him in and that's where it had all gone wrong. Bale had gotten world, somehow, that they were on to him, and he'd fled with one of his homemade bombs. They'd managed to corner him, but he'd had a hostage with him. He'd strapped a bomb onto the hostage and there had been a standoff between the FBI agents and Bale. They'd thought that Gideon had managed to talk him down, but just as it seemed about to end peacefully Bale had activated the bomb killing the hostage and six FBI agents.

In the aftermath Bales was locked up, never to hurt another innocent, and Gideon was crushed with guilt over the agent's death. He took some time off to go teach, and Spencer who still felt closer to Gideon than the rest of the team, and worried about his mentor's mental health, followed him back into the world of academia. Spencer did enjoy being back in that world, knowledge was after all his first love, but he was surprised how much he missed the rest of the team and being out in the field. He found he especially missed Derek-though that part he would never admit, even to himself.

As the months went by, Spencer's longing for the team, and for the field grew. Thankfully, Gideon's mental health also seemed to be steadily improving. With this in mind he was not particularly surprised when he got the phone call telling them that their break was over and they needed to come back in.

This particular day, Gideon was teaching on "the Footpath Killer" who he had profiled before. Spencer had bee in Gideon's office grading some papers when his phone has started ringing. Glancing at it his heart leaped a bit when he recognized Hotch's caller id.

"Reid" he said by way of greeting as he answered.

"Reid, we have a case. The file should be on its way to you now, Morgan and I will be there within the hour. We need you and Gideon back in the field for this one." Hotch's voice told him from the other end of the phone.

Spencer's heart gave its customary flip flop at Morgan's name. While he was quite sure that Morgan was not "his" Derek Morgan it was still a constant reminder of the name that adorned his wrist. A name he's spent most of his lie trying to forget about…. Spencer shook he head to get rid of these useless thoughts, gave his boss a quick affirmative and hung up the phone.

The messenger Hotch had sent made good time, and soon Spencer was on his way down to the classroom Gideon was lecturing in. Opening the door quietly, Spencer slipped in and when Gideon glanced his way he held the file up. His mentor quickly ended the class. Spencer waited for the trainees to leave before leading Gideon out into the hallway. Having read the case file on his way to get the other Spencer began to fill him in.

"They're calling him the Seattle strangler, four victims in four months. He keeps them alive seven days. The handle serves as a crank" he summarized.

"Allowing him to control the rate of suffocation" Gideon mused.

"To prolong it?" Reid theorized.

"To enjoy it" Gideon corrected. "Seattle's hit a wall?"

"Physical evidence is nonexistent. There are no tangible leads" Spencer explains.

"And another girl is missing" Gideon said as they arrived at his office. "I'll get some thoughts to you asap" he added leading Spencer in. Spencer opened his mouth to correct him when another voice beat him to it.

"You'll be with us in Seattle asap" Hotch said entering the office with Morgan right behind him.

"22-year old Heather Woodland" Morgan said holding out a picture of her towards Gideon and Spencer.

"Before she left for her lunch she downloaded an email with a time-delayed virus attached. The killer's virus wiped her hard drive and left this on the screen" Hotch added, handing Gideon a photo of the computer screen.

"For heaven's sake, catch me before I kill more. I cannot control myself." Gideon read off glancing at a framed photo of a crime scene of William Heiren's which bore the same message.

"He never keeps them for more then 7 days, which means we have fewer than 36 hours to find her" Hotch told them.

"They want you back in the saddle. You ready?" Morgan asked sounding concerned.

"Looks like medical leave's over boss" Spencer stated drily.

"They sure they want me?" Gideon questioned.

"The order came from the director" Hotch explained.

"Well, we'd better get started" Gideon stated. Spencer nodded and they all scattered to get their stuff.

* * *

Soon enough they all found themselves rendezvousing at the airport and boarding the team's private jet. Spencer paused while climbing the steps to the plane when he noticed Hotch lagging behind to talk to Strauss. He listened intently, trying to overhear what they were saying.

"This girl may only have 36 hours to live. We're not asking for a judgement of Gideon. We want an assessment. We want to know you're there to step in if he can't perform. Are we clear?" Strauss was telling Hotch.

"Of course" Hotch murmured turning away. Spencer ignored the churning in his stomach and finished climbing into the plane.

Once everyone had settled into their seats and they were in the air, the conversation among the team turned back to the case at hand. Spencer began to recap it from the very beginning-with the first known victim.

"His first victim was 26-year-old Melissa Kirsh. Stab wounds, strangulation." Morgan frowned at him once he had finished.

"Wait, wait. Back up. Back up. He stabbed her….and then strangled her to finish her off?" He asked.

"Other way around" Gideon says shaking his head. "Why do you think he started using the belt with the second murder?"

Spencer nodded thoughtfully. "Strangulation with your bare hands is not as easy as one would believe. He tried, probably found that it took too long…" here he tailed off.

"So he stabbed her instead" Derek finished up for him, while Spencer pointedly ignored the way that made his heart jump.

"And realized it would be hours cleaning up the blood" Hotch continued.

"Next time, our boy's got a method….the belt" Morgan finished.

"He's learning, perfecting his scenario. Becoming a better killer" Gideon concluded.

The team lapsed into silence at this, and they remained lost in their own thought for the rest of the trip. Soon enough they arrived in Seattle, and grabbing the waiting cares they headed over to the local FBI base. As soon as they got inside the building Morgan pulled Spencer aside. Spencer made sure to keep his breathing as even as he always had to when Derek touched him. He pushed away any thoughts of how his wrist always seemed to burn pleasantly when this happened and tried to concentrate on what the other man wanted.

Morgan glanced at Gideon, which gave Spencer a pretty good idea of what this conversation was going to be about before he started talking. "He never stands with his back to a window. When I was between him and a doorway, he asked me to move." Spencer nodded, having noticed similar things.

"That's hyper vigilance. It's not uncommon in past traumatic stress disorder" Spencer explains.

"Just how much disorder are we talking about" Derek demanded concerned just as Hotch came up behind them.

"Morgan, it's been six months. Everything's ok" Hotch told them ending the conversation at least for the moment, and dragging them over to meet the other agents.

"This is special agent Gideon, special agent Morgan-our expert on obsessional crimes, special agent Reid" Hotch started to introduce them.

"Dr. Reid" Gideon corrected.

"Dr. Reid" Hotch amended, "our expert on….well almost everything. And after two years busting my butt in this office I hope you all remember me" he finished. This generates scattered laughter from the various agents. While he was doing this Gideon, Spencer, and Derek wandered over to inspect the bulletin boards with case information that had been set up in the back of the base.

"He's willing to travel with the body" Gideon observes as he studies the map.

"Then he drives vehicle capable of concealing one" Hotch said, stating the obvious.

"1 in 7.4 drivers in Seattle owns an SUV" Spencer informs them.

"Explorer with tinted windows" Morgan suggests.

"Explorers rate higher with women" Spencer replies.

"But how do we know it's his car?" Morgan counters. "Ted Bundy drove a VW bug."

"What about a Jeep Cherokee?" Hotch throw out.

"Jeeps are more masculine" Spencer agrees.

"We all know how an unsub feels about asserting his masculinity" Gideon adds in.

Hotch turns to the local agents, "when did the bureau become involved in the case?"

"After the fourth body. He dumped that one out of state" an agent replies.

"On purpose" Hotch observed.

"If so, knowledge of law enforcement does suggest a criminal record" Spencer points out.

"Or that he watches television" Morgan disagrees. "May I?" he asks.

"So you wanna see our suspect list" the agent asks.

"No, we won't look at a suspect list until after we come up with a profile. It keeps out perspective unbiased" Hotch explains.

"When do we sit down with your task force?" Gideon questions.

"Four o'clock" another agent replies.

"An accurate profile by four o'clock today?" Morgan demands incredulously.

"That's not a problem" Gideon counters.

"Agent Gideon, where would you like to start?" Hotch asks him.

"Let's start at the sight of the last murder" Gideon decides. Hotch agreed to send Gideon to the sight, and assigns Morgan to go with him while he and Spencer went to meet with the latest missing girl's brother.

* * *

With Derek

Somehow Derek finds himself being the one accompanying Gideon out into the field. He can't help but feel a bit uneasy about it considering what had happened with Bale and how he'd been acting since. Hell Gideon hadn't even really wanted to return-he'd been ordered to! On the other hand though he'd been working with the older man for years now, and Gideon had helped him out of many a situation over those years. For now, he decided to wait and watch.

"So that's Gideon? The Gideon. The one who caught that guy, Adrian Bale, I Boston?" one of the policemen around questioned him.

"Yep. That's him. But catching him cost us six agents" Derek replies. He and the officer then lapsed into silence for a few moments before he decided to wander over to Gideon.

"22-year-old Anne Cushings was found right here. Nails clipped just like the others. He wants them to fight back" Derek observes.

"But not enough to hurt him" Gideon returned. "And he left the belt around her neck. He's probably in his early 20s."

Derek looks at him puzzled. "What's your reasoning?"

"Youthful arrogance" Gideon replies simply.

"He clothed the body before dumping it" Morgan remarks.

"That's a sign of remorse" Gideon points out.

"It's not consistent. Look where we are. His opinion of women is pretty clear; don't you think?" Morgan asks while gesturing around them.

"They're disposable" Gideon agrees.

"Why show remorse by taking the time to dress her, but then dump her here?" Morgan wondered.

* * *

With Spencer

Spencer hovered awkwardly by Hotch as Heather's brother David let them in. As soon as he crossed the threshold Heather's dog started barking at him.

"Sandy, no, no, no," David said, holding the dog back. "I'm sorry" he apologised to Spencer.

"No, it's okay. It's what we call the Reid effect. Happens with children too. I'm agent Hotchner. This is special agent Dr. Reid" Hotch explained to a surprised looking David.

"You look too young to have gone to medical school" David remarked eying Spencer a bit skeptically.

"they're PhD's. Three of them" Spencer explained with a practiced ease.

"Are you a genius or something?" David asked wide eyed.

"I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an I.Q. of 187, and an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words a minute" Spencer explains. Both Hotch and David are staring at him, and he sighs-accepting defeat.

"I'm a genius" he says in a monotone. Hotch, felt the awkwardness permeating the air in the room and decided to divert everyone's attention.

"Sandy, you get a lot of attention, don't you?" he says to the dog.

"Yeah, Heather loves this dog. I feed her when Heather's away. Usually she's fine, but lately she won't eat. It's almost like she can sense something's wrong" David replies worryingly.

"Not sense. Smell. Our apocrine sweat gland releases secretions in response to emotional stress" Spencer explained as he poked around the apartment.

"Sandy's worried because she knows you are" Hotch translated.

"David, does your sister drive a Datsun Z?" Spencer questioned while looking at the car magazines he'd found on Heather's table.

"No, but she's in the market for one. How's you know?" David asked in surprise.

"There's an immediate relationship established between a buyer and a seller, a level of trust. If I want to coax a young woman into my car…" Spencer trailed off.

"Offer her a test drive" Hotch finished for him.

* * *

FBI Field Office

"Okay, then how about the fact that on one hand we have paranoid psychosis but the autopsy protocol says what?" Morgan asks.

"Adhesive residue shows he put layer after layer of duct tape over his victims' eyes" Spencer replies easily.

"He knows he wants to kill them, but he still covers their eyes. He doesn't want them looking at him apparently" Morgan muses. "Okay, but then he takes the body and dumps it in the open, murder weapon nearby."

"Not the M.O. of a paranoid convinced he's being watched or surveilled" Spencer points out.

"Paranoid psychosis, but behaviour that's not paranoid" Derek says thoughtfully as Gideon suddenly stops them

"All right, enough. Let's tell them we're ready" Gideon announces walking out of the conference room.

"We're ready?" Morgan asks incredulously. "Reid. You're good with this? We've got a woman who's only got a few hours left to live, and incomplete profile, and a unit chief on the verge of a nervous breakdown."

"They don't call them nervous breakdowns anymore" Gideon mentions as he re-enters the room.

"It's called a major depressive episode" Spencer supplies.

"I know Reid" Morgan mutters irritably.

* * *

Conference Room

Soon they were all gathered into a big conference room to present the profile to the local law enforcement and the Seattle FBI. Derek still felt deeply uncomfortable. He didn't believe that the profile was complete and worried that giving it out could do harm rather than good. Absently he rubbed at the band on his wrist above his soulmark.

Spencer for his part could feel a building worry in the back of his mind. He knew that these emotions had to belong to his soulmate, which was odd since emotions were not usually transferred unless bondmates had met and exchanged skin to skin contact. However, he pushed these thoughts forcefully to the back of his brain. His soulmate, his _Derek_ , meant nothing to him, and he had a job to do.

"The unidentified subject is white and in his late 20's. He's someone you wouldn't notice at first. He's someone who'd blend into any crowd. The violent nature of the crime suggests a previous criminal record… petty crimes. Maybe auto theft. We've classified him as an organized killer… careful. Psychopathic as opposed to psychotic. He follows the news, has good hygiene. He's smart. 'Cause he's smart, the only physical evidence you'll find is what he wants you to find. He's mobile, car in good condition. Our guess… Jeep Cherokee, tinted windows. The murders have all involved rapes. But rape without penetration is a form of piquerism, and that tells us he's sexually inadequate. Psychiatric evaluations will show a history of paranoia stemming from a childhood trauma… death of a parent or family member. And now he feels persecuted and watched. Murder gives him a sense of power. Organized killers have a fascination with law enforcement. They will inject themselves into the investigation. They will even come forward as witnesses to see just how much the police really know. That makes them feel powerful, in control. Which is why I also think… in fact, I know… you have already interviewed him" Gideon told agents and officers.


	4. Chapter 3

**A.N.** Hey all! So here's the second half of the first episode. As always I've tried to stick as close to cannon as possible, but there may be some changes. There were a few times when working off the script it got confusing as to where a character was, or how they got there-especially with Spencer. So when I wasn't sure I just kinda shoved him on Derek-they needed the extra bonding time anyways :P Also-since I'm a few chapters in now I wanted to ask you guys about beginning and ending quotes. Should I stick with the cannon ones, or find ones more applicable to this sotry specifically, or a combo? There's a poll on my profile page, so please go vote and as always read and review!

 **Loves' Denial**

 **Chapter Three: Season 1 Episode 1 Part 2**

Emerson said, "All is riddle, and the key to a riddle, is another riddle".

* * *

Spencer glanced irritable around Richard Slessman's home; "There's no girl here. We can arrest him with probably cause, but we won't be able to hold him. Slessman's been at the top of the suspect list". He felt frustration flowing through him at the failure.

Gideon examined the suspect's family where they had gathered in the kitchen, "is that the mother?" He asks.

"Grandmother" corrects Greenway, a pretty young agent who'd been the brains behind the arrest. "The mother died in a fire when he was thirteen" she explained.

"Probably not the only fire in his childhood" Gideon replies as he heads towards the kitchen.

"Before his _Son of Sam_ murders, David Berkowitz set a multitude of fires" Spencer mused.

"Exactly how much is a multitude?" Morgan asks.

"According to his diary, one thousand, four hundred and…" Spencer trailed off as Greenway finished for him; "eighty-eight". This made Gideon turn his attention to her.

"Luring him out was your idea, right? Greenway?" he asks her.

"Elle. I don't send a SWAT team into a house with children" she replies, nodding.

"Hotch says your background's in sex offender cases. What can you tell us?" Gideon demands, testing her.

"The last four murders show he's an anger-excitation rapist. He'll keep a victim for a couple of days. He probably records or videotapes them so he can keep reliving the fantasy" Greenway answers.

"You ok with Hotch being in on the interview?" Gideon questions.

"I'd like him to lead actually" Greenway corrects.

"Fine, but hold off. Slessman's done time, and he knows the process. All you will get now is a demand for a lawyer" Gideon says wither certainty as he turns and walks out.

"Next time, show a little leg" Morgan jokingly advises Greenway as the two start heading upstairs. He ignores the slight stab of guilt and pain he gets, just as Spencer ignores the jealousy churning inside him from Morgan's flirtatious comments.

Spencer decides to go find Hotch and Gideon instead of following Morgan. He's got Greenway, and Spencer doesn't want to get in the way of the two. He shakes off his jealous thoughts as a helpful local agent points him towards the garage where the two older agents are examining Slessman's jeep. Finding nothing helpful there the three decide to check out the attic. Spencer began poking around to see what he could find. As he paused to examine the game of go laid out in the middle of the room Greenway came to stand beside him.

"What kind of game is it?" She asks him.

"In China, it's called _weichi_. Here we call it Go. It's considered to be the most difficult board game ever conceived" he tells her.

"Chairman Mao required his generals to learn it" Gideon adds.

"It also looks like he's playing himself" Spencer murmurs.

"How can you tell?" Greenway asks. Instead of replying Spencer crouches down and turns the board 180ᵒ.

"This might provide an advantage actually. Go is considered to be a particularly revealing game. There are profiles for every player…the conservative point counter, the aggressor, the finesse…" Spencer trails off thoughtfully.

"What kind of player is Slessman?" Hotch asks.

"Extreme aggressor" Spencer replies after giving the pieces a careful look over.

After that revelation the four decide to head back downstairs and see how the others were doing. They made their way to Slessman's bedroom on the second floor where they found Morgan and some other agents setting up a bunch of computer equipment.

"Okay, here we go" Morgan muttered as he booted it up. Once it was on a _Deadbolt Defence™_ login appeared accompanied by a large number 6.

"What's the number six at the bottom of the screen?" Greenway asks while peering at the screen.

"Number of password attempts before the program wipes the hard drive" Morgan explains.

"There could be an email, or a journal in the computer, something that tells us where Heather is. Do you think you can break in?" Green asks looking slightly concerned.

"In six tries?" Morgan says doubtfully while scoffing and shaking his head.

"Try again. Fail again. Fail better" Gideon chimes in suddenly from where he'd been listening in. Morgan looked at Spencer, silently demanding clarification with his eyes. Spencer ignored the rush of happiness he got whenever Morgan confided in him, or looked to him for any kind of help.

"Samuel Beckett" Spencer tells him. That the words themselves are a quote is left unsaid, but he knows Morgan will understand.

"Try not. Do or do not" Morgan replies. This causes Gideon to give Spencer the same look Morgan had just moments before.

"Yoda" Spencer explains to his mentor.

As he turned his attention back to Morgan and the computer he was vaguely aware of Gideon poking around the bookshelf behind them. Not paying this much attention Spencer was understandably surprised when Gideon spoke up again.

"I want to talk to him" he declared, snapping what Spencer believed was a textbook shut and walking out. Spencer and Morgan shared a slightly surprised look at this before shrugging-they were rather used to Gideon's behavioural quirks after all.

"So, any ideas?" Spencer asks causing everyone's attention to turn back to the computer.

"One" Morgan replies pilling out his phone, "Garcia". Spencer nods, the tech analyst really was the best person to deal with a tech problem. Morgan hit speed dial, and Spencer could just make out Garcia's voice as she answered.

"You've reached Penelope Garcia in the FBI's office of supreme genius" she says.

"Hey, it's Morgan. Need you to work me some magic here. I got a program called Deadbolt Defence and a girl with only a couple hours to live, so what do you know?" Morgan asks, getting straight to the point.

"then you've got a problem. Deadbolt's the number one password crack resistant software out there. You're gonna have to get inside this guy's head to get the password." Garcia's answer did not particularly please either agent.

"I thought I was calling the office of supreme genius" Morgan hedges.

"Well gorgeous, you've been rerouted to the office of too friggen bad" Garcia retorts.

"Thanks anyway" Morgan says while hanging up with a sigh.

"I'm going to head back to the field office to check in with the others" Spencer says after the two had spent a few moments silently studying the computer. He'd heard most o the other leave while Morgan had been on the phone with Garcia. Morgan was nodding distractedly at Spencer's words, his mind clearly still engaged in trying to figure out what the password for the computer could be. Spencer leaves him be, and finds a nice younger agent willing to drive him back to the field office for a bit.

* * *

As soon as he walks into the office Hotch is there pulling him to the side. Hotch gives him a quick update on how they'd figured out there was probably a second killer, and that they thought the partner could be Slessman's old cellmate Linder. Hotch also lets him know that Gideon and Elle were headed to check out the nearby prison where Slessman and Linder had done time. Spencer absorbed the information and agreed to help the local agents find more information on Linder before heading back to the house to help Morgan.

Soon enough, Spencer finds himself standing by a printer going over all the information they'd found so far, and waiting for the rest to print. He could hear Hotch's footsteps as the older agent drew near.

"We get an address on Linder?" Hotch demands in lieu of a greeting.

"It's coming right now" Spencer replies as Hotch hands something to the agent working at the desk behind them.

"Does senior management want a field assessment on Gideon" Spencer asks. The question had been on his mind since Morgan had pulled him aside when they'd first arrived.

"Don't worry about it" Hotch deflects.

"Are they nervous about him being in charge?" Spencer presses.

"Aren't you on your way back to Slessman's house to help Morgan?" Hotch demands, changing the subject as he begins to walk away.

However, Spencer had one last question for the man; "do you know why he always introduces me as Dr. Reid?" Hotch stops and pivots on one foot before returning to where Spencer was standing.

"Because he knows people see you as a kid, and he wants to make sure they respect you. What's the address?" Hotch answers glancing at the paper Spencer had just gotten from the printer.

"Don't think it matters anymore" Spencer replies. He hands the page to Hotch who sighs but takes it,

"Get back to Morgan, whatever's in that computer is even more important now" Hotch orders. Spencer nods and complies.

Back at the house he finds Morgan and a handful of other agents going over the suspect's CDs. Morgan shows Spencer the sleeping pills he'd found and explains his theory that the password may be Slessman's favorite song. Spencer could find no flaw with this theory so he got to work with the others. This was how he ended up sitting in Slessman's room by himself some time later. They'd gotten nothing useful from the CDs so Morgan had taken the laptop up to the attic in hopes that something there might help.

Spencer absently twirled a CD between his fingers as he stared off into space and contemplated the problem. He still thought Morgan had been onto something with the CDs, but while Slessman's music collection was both impressively large and well used no one CD seemed to stand out. No one CD was different…Different!

Spencer shot up as an idea occurred to him. Spotting a nearby paper clip he dropped the CD and grabbed that. He also slipped a certain CD case into his pocket. He was pretty sure he knew what the answer to this riddle was, or rather _where_ the answer was. He headed up to the attic where Morgan and the laptop were. Arriving he noticed that Morgan seemed to be talking to himself. Spencer paused by the door for a moment to listen.

"Oh, come on! I need a password. I need a password. What am I looking for? What could I possibly be looking for?" Morgan was muttering to himself while pacing back and forth in front of the computer.

"I've been thinking about the CDs" Spencer pitches in from the doorway.

"Oh, Reid, come on. We tried the CDs. We searched, sifted, and sorted through every one of this guy's head-banging heavy metal collection. We gotta find something or this girl is dead" Morgan snaps at him. Spencer brushes off the spike of hurt Morgan's exclamation causes him. He knew that the other man was frustrated with the situation and with himself, not with Spencer. Reminding himself of this he walks over to the laptop and uses the paperclip he'd been fiddling with to open the CD tray.

"I think we may have missed the obvious" he tells Morgan as he does so.

"What are you doing?" Morgan demands as the drive opens. Instead of answering the other agent Spencer pulls the Metallica CD out of the drive and hands it to a rather stunned looking Morgan.

"Reid, what made you think of this?" Morgan asks. The almost awed tone of his voice makes Spencer feel warm all the way down to his toes.

"It was the only empty case" Spencer explains. 'It was different' he doesn't say. Instead he digs the CD case out of the pocket he'd tucked it into and hands it to Morgan.

"All right. I'm an insomniac who listens to Metallica to go to sleep at night. What song could possible speak to me?" Morgan muses aloud while examining the songs on the CD.

"Enter Sandman" Spencer suggests. Morgan tries it, and Spencer tries to ignore the heat that floods his face at the delighted smile Morgan gives him when it works. Unfortunately, the happy feeling does not last long once they see what's on the computer screen. It's a live stream showing Heather trapped and bound inside a cage. Without saying anything Morgan is whipping out his phone, and Spencer _knows_ he's calling Gideon.

"Gideon, Heather's alive" Morgan says as soon as the other agent picks up, confirming Spencer's theory.

"How do you know?" Gideon demands. Morgan glances once more at the laptop screen.

"Cause we're watching her right now" Morgan replies before Gideon hangs up. Spencer catches Morgan's slightly confused and worried look when he does so.

"He's probably calling Hotch right now" Spencer says knowing how his mentor operates. Morgan nods and pretends that he was unaffected by the whole thing, but Spencer can tell that his words relieved the other man. His theory is confirmed a few minutes later when Morgan's phone rings again.

"Hey Hotch" Morgan answers after glancing at the caller ID.

"Morgan, we need leverage to get Slessman to reveal Heather's location. Try to get something off the video" Hotch orders before hanging up. Morgan and Spencer share a look before turning back to the screen. They watch in silence for a few minutes before Spencer notices something.

"Morgan, can you show me the last twelve images lined up next to each other" he asks.

"Yeah" Morgan replies while quickly getting it set up.

"Right there. Right there. You see that? The light bulb hanging from the wire?" Spencer asks pointing at the object he's talking about.

"Yeah, what about it?" Morgan replies clearly confused as to why Spencer seem so exited.

"It's shifting positions like it's swaying…like the earth is tilting" Spencer explains. Understand crosses Morgan's face as he does so.

"Not the earth, Doc. The ocean." Morgan corrects and digs out his phone again.

"Hey Hotch, we may have something. The girl's being kept on a boat" Morgan reports as soon as the other agent picks up.

"She's on a boat? Where?" Hotch demands.

"It's a pier or a dock. He wouldn't be able to transmit the webcam image rom the middle of the ocean" Morgan replies.

"You're sure about this?" Hotch confirms.

"It's the best we got, Hotch. Even if we're right, getting the location's up to you my friend" Morgan states mater-of-factly.

"What is it you always ask Garcia?" Hotch asks.

"To work me a little magic" Morgan replies with a grin as Hotch hangs up. Morgan and Spencer settle in front o the computer to wait. At this point, all they can to is keep an eye on the victim and alert the others if anything happens.

Unfortunately, it's only a few minutes later when something does happen. A large man steps into view of the camera heading straight for the victim. Both agents can immediately tell that the man is not one of theirs. This meant he must be the missing partner.

"Reid, he's inside" Morgan hisses unnecessarily at Spencer. "Get Elle on the phone" he adds as the unsub begins to unlock the cage. Spencer does so immediately before handing the phone over to Morgan.

"Listen to me. You need to wait or backup" Morgan says urgently after Elle has updated them on what they can't see of the situation.

"If we wait, the girl is dead" Elle argues.

"And if we had waited in Boston…" Morgan begins.

"I can't. You told me to trust my instincts." Elle cuts him of before hanging up. Morgan snaps the phone closed while muttering swear words under his breath. Spencer puts his hand on the other man's shoulder in comfort. He knew how much Morgan hated being left behind while others ran into danger. Neither noticed how the hand Spencer used was the one with his soulmark, or how a comforting warmth seemed to spread from that mark down to Morgan's shoulder. They are both relieved when not a minute later their phones buzz with a text from Hotch with the location of the boat and orders to get out there.

The two waste no time in following those orders, but even so everything has been wrapped up by the time they arrive. They check I with Elle, and get a quick run down on exactly what had happened. After they were both up to speed Morgan wanders over to where he can see Hotch sitting. He sits by the older man and they both watch for a moment as Gideon comforts the victim before the EMTs load her into an ambulance.

"So, what kind of report do they want on him?" Morgan asks breaking the silence.

"I suppose whether he's fit to be a field agent" Hotch replies. "You know, Haley and I were looking at a baby names book. Guess what Gideon means in Hebrew" he adds just as Spencer wanders by.

"Mighty Warrior. Appropriate" Spencer answers before continuing on. Hotch and Morgan exchange a slight smile and that.

"So, what are you gonna tell them?" Morgan prods.

"What would you say?" Hotch retorts.

"Gideon saved her life. That's good enough or me" Morgan replies before getting up and wandering away to check on the rest of the team.

* * *

Nietzsche once said, "when you look long into the abyss, the abyss looks into you".


	5. Chapter 4

**A.N.** Hey all, have a chapter. So, I'm not sure I ever said but this is going to be a very slow burn fic. So, things are going to be very very close to cannon for the moment. Feel free to join Garcia and I complaining about these stubborn idiots over tea. On another note I am getting kind of annoyed with the C.M. writers and their lack of transitions. Scenes jump around so much, and character randomly switch locations and who they are with...so I kind of gave up. Pretend lines are scene breaks and such because I can't be bothered to make up and write long explanations between every single one, so time and location skips :P Please enjoy, and remember that reviews make me more likely to ditch homework to write (hint hint).

 **Loves' Denial**

 **Chapter 4-Episode 2 Part 1**

Einstein once said "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world".

* * *

After the Seattle Strangler case things quickly returned to normal for the BAU team. Gideon stumbled upon, and managed to subdue the footpath killer with only a few bruises and a story making its way into an FBI legend to show for it. Elle Greenway had gotten the opening at the BAU and was settling in as the newest member of their team. They were between cases at that moment, which was how Spencer found himself at his desk without much to do. He was currently studying the ongoing chess game he had going with Gideon. It was his move, and he was trying to decide what to do. Believing in being thorough he examined the game from all angles before making his move. Just as he did, Gideon came bounding down into the bullpen and giving the game a quick once over he moved a piece of his own.

"Check. Checkmate in three moves" He said before wandering away. Spencer glanced down at the board in surprise and confusion.

"What?" he murmurs to himself.

"You know you'll beat him when you start learning." Morgan interjects from his nearby desk where he'd been watching.

"Learning what?" Spencer asks, too curious to be truly irritated.

"To think outside the box" Morgan replies easily. Spencer grimaces at that before turning back to his computer in an effort to appear busy. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Morgan doing the same. Their farce lasts only a few moments before they're once again interrupted. This time it's by Elle.

"Question for you" she says walking over to them.

"Shoot" Morgan replies easily abandoning his computer once again.

"The footpath killer, why did he stutter?" She asks.

"Come on, Elle, we've all asked him, and he won't say" Morgan says. "he wants us to figure it out" he adds.

"Ok, I'm up for a challenge" Elle declares defiantly.

"Good, because these go to you" J.J. says while dropping a stack of folders on Elle's desk. "Special Agent Jennifer Jareau. J.J. if you like" she introduces herself shaking Elle's hand.

"Elle" Elle replies starts her own introduction when J.J. cuts in, "Greenway-highest number of solved cases in Seattle three years running, specialty in sex offender cases."

"Not bad" Elle replies, clearly impressed.

J.J.'s already walking away from them and up the stairs as she speaks. "Well, I'm the unit liaison. My specialty is untangling bureaucratic knots. You'll probably be talking to me a lot. My door's always open, mostly because I'm never in my office, so just call me on my cell, OK? We'll talk" she says before breaking off to talk to Hotch.

"B.A.U. team, can you meet me in the conference room, please? I need to show you something" Hotch's voice rings out a minute later causing the rest of the team to spring into action. Minutes later they've all found their places around the table.

"This is from the Phoenix office. Bradshaw College in Tempe, six fires in seven months" Hotch says indicating the screen behind him after everyone had settles.

"Who recorded it?" Gideon asks.

"A student with a digital camcorder. He was watching a fire in the building across from their dorm. The other person you'll see is his roommate, 20-year-old Matthew Rowland" J.J. answers before pressing play on the video.

The vide shows a student excitedly watching a fire and telling his roommate to come see. The two comment on the fire for a few moments before noticing someone liquid starting to seep in from under the door. As Mathew goes to investigate the liquid the doorknob turns a few times as if someone was trying to get in, and then suddenly the liquid is alight. The fire quickly spreads to Matthew. The video fades out as the filming student drops the camera and rushes over to his roommate to try in vein to help him.

There's silence for a moment after the video finishes before Hotch speaks up, "the Dean is very concerned about the possibility of more deaths. Wheels up I thirty, we'll go over the rest n the plane." It's a clear dismissal and the team scatters to grab their go-bags and get ready.

* * *

On the Plane

"There are two common stressors for serial arsonists" Spencer starts once the plane is in the air.

"Loss of job, loss of love" Elle elaborates in agreement.

"When was the first fire set?" Morgan asks.

"March. Uh, the next one was in May, and the third one wasn't 'til September. Then two weeks later there were three in one night" Hotch reads from an open file.

"He's speeding up. Fires are closer together" Gideon observes.

"Hey, Reid, you got a statistic on arsonists?" Morgan asks, automatically turning to the younger agent to fill in any blanks he may have. He ignored how right it felt and how well he and the younger agent seemed to fit together.

"82% are white males between 17 and 27. Female arsonists are far less likely, their motive typically being revenge" Spencer recites, unknowingly cutting off Morgan's internal dialogue.

"Sounds like our boy's a student" Morgan states, focussing back on the case and forgetting what he's been thinking about.

"Don't be so sure. You rely too much on precedent, you never allow for the unexpected" Gideon cautions the team. "If he went from setting one fire to three in two weeks time…." He trails off.

"Rapid escalation" Hotch agrees.

"He's gone from the power to damage a building to something far more satisfying: the power over life and death" Gideon muses. "Who are we talking to first?" he asks.

"Dean of Students, Ellen Turner" Hotch answers.

After that announcement the team lapses into silence. They remain that way, each lost in their own contemplations, for the rest of the flight. Once they land Hotch directs them to the two black S.U.V.'s. They all grab and seat and then head towards the school to get to work. A short drive later they pile out of the cars and unto Bradshaw campus.

"No badges. I don't want to satisfy the unsub's need for attention by letting him know he got the F.B.I. here. Try not to look official" Gideon instructs once they are all gathered. He gives them a once over and corrects with a grimace "try to look less official". That said he turns and walks away knowing that others would follow after him. They soon meet up with Dean Turner who is conversing with another man. Introductions were made, and the Dean began to show them around the campus.

"Obviously, I'd rather be meeting you under different circumstances" Turner says as they begin the tour. "This is Fire Inspector Zhang" she adds indicating the man she'd been conversing with earlier who had stuck with them.

"This morning the chemistry department reported several bottles of highly flammable chemicals missing Zhang updates them.

"I'm prepared to evacuate the campus" Turner adds, clearly very concerned about the situation. "Thank you" She tacks on when Gideon and Hotch open the doors of the building they were heading towards for her.

"That brings with it its own problems" Hotch tells her, referring to the evacuation plan.

"You might evacuate the arsonist as well" Gideon adds.

"Then the fire case goes unsolved, the campus is reopened, but the fires start again" Elle elaborates.

"Hotch, Gideon, hold on a second" Morgan buts in causing the other conversation to stop. "You said the chemicals were reported missing today?" He clarifies with Zhang who makes an un-huh noise in agreement.

"It says here that one of the previous fires was set with diesel fuel that disappeared from the grounds keeping facility" he says indicating a file he's been re-examining. "How long after it disappeared was the fire set?" he asks.

"One day" Turner replies with trepidation in her voice. Gideon and Hotch exchange a quick glance before walking away together. They returned a minute later with serious looks on their faces and decided to split the team up into groups and check out all the previous fire sites. They arranged to meet up again after they were all finished. Spencer ended up paired with Hotch to investigate dorm room where Matthew Rowland had died.

"The door was locked" Hotch points out as Spencer pushes the police tape aside so they can enter the room.

"Matthew Rowland and his roommate watched as the doorknob turned against the lock" Spencer recalls from the video.

"But the unsub couldn't get in" Hotch says.

"So he pours the accelerant into the room from the hallway" Spencer continues.

"Which means he couldn't see the fire" Hotch muses.

"But he could hear Matthew Rowland screaming" Spencer counters.

"Yeah, but not for long. He would have left quickly" Hotch points out.

"Yeah, to avoid being spotted" Spencer agrees.

"It doesn't make sense" Hotch grumbles.

"Pyromania as a mental disorder may just be a simple myth, but we do know from precedent that serial arsonists derive pleasure from pathological fire-setting" Spencer tells him.

"Sex and power" Hotch agrees referring to most arsonists motivations.

"But a serial arsonist wouldn't set a fire and walk away" Spencer says.

"He needs to experience it" Hotch concurs.

"So why would he set a fire he couldn't watch?" Spencer asks.

* * *

Later with the entire team

Once everyone had finished checking out their assigned sites they gathered back in the room Dean Turner had given them. Shortly after Dean Turner walked in with Zhang who was carrying a box which he set on the table in the middle of the room before opening it. Inside were a couple of badly burnt ignition devices, clearly the work of their unsub.

"He turned the water off just before the fire. The last three were set with these. Two devices, simultaneous ignition" Zhang explains.

"There was no device used on Matthew Rowland. Unsub set that one manually?" Gideon asks.

"He wanted to be there to enjoy the kid's death" Morgan suggests.

"Not necessarily" Hotch counters.

"Well, if the target was Matthew Rowland, then why set the other two fires" Elle questions.

"The motive for arson are relatively simple. There's vandalism, crime concealment, political statement, profit, and-" Spencer cuts off as he gets to the last reason.

"And revenge" Hotch finishes for him.

"We interviewed Matthew Rowland's roommate. He said Matthew was very well-liked. No reason for revenge" Zhang counters.

"What about vandalism" Turner asks.

"No. The fires are too sophisticated, and if he's trying to make a political statement he's not being too clear about it" Elle answers.

"There's an underlying strategy in this case. Matthew, firefighters, injured victims" Gideon muses. "To the unsub, they're not people. They're…."

"They're objects" Hotch supplies.

"More like, uh…" Gideon picks up one of the devices and studies it as he tries to think of the right words.

"Chess pieces" Spencer suggests.

"Exactly" Gideon says throwing the device back into the box. "I need to think, something's not connecting here" he mutters as he walks away.

* * *

With Derek

"All right…" Derek muses standing on the balcony of Matthew's level of the dorms. "I want to set a dormitory fire. Where would I start?" He asks himself surveying the building.

"In the basement" he answers himself. "The upper levels would be fuel. Then why did I start on the third floor?" he questions thinking back to the video.

"Because it wasn't the building I wanted to set on fire" he realizes.

* * *

With Spencer

Spencer was sitting with Elle going over what they knew and tossing around ideas and theories.

"The timer sets the road flare, which then lights the chemical mixture inside the canister. Simple" Elle says.

"Yet sophisticated in its simplicity. I mean, there's a meticulous construction to it" Spencer adds.

Elle walks over the bank of monitors they'd finished setting up earlier. "Chemical accelerant could mean chemistry student" she suggests.

"Could also mean professor" Spencer points out.

"Mmm, I say student" Elle replies. "You need self-confidence to lecture in front of a classroom full of 30 college kids. Arsonists are socially incompetent" she explains. Spencer hums in agreement as he examines one of the devices again.

"This guy doesn't go on dates. He doesn't go to parties. He doesn't feel comfortable in front of groups" Elle goes on as Spencer looks up at her. "And of course, he's a total psychopath" she adds when she realizes she could have been describing him.

"Of course," Spencer agrees going back to examining the ignition device.

* * *

That night

"We've been at this all night, and we've got nothing" Morgan grumbles as he picks up one of the photographs Elle had taken at the scene of the fire earlier and then sets it back down. "Look at these expressions. We got fear, a touch of horror, even a little bit of panic. Where's the guy getting' off?" He demands heading towards where Spencer is sitting. Seeking the other out when he is in distress had quickly become instinctual after they started working together. It's something they both ignore, believing it is simply because they need to trust one another completely when out in the field.

"When asked about his motives Peter Dinsdale said, "I am devoted to fire. Fire is my master."" Spencer says, hoping it will help. Morgan gets a far away look in his eyes as he thinks about what Spencer just said.

"Ok, so who was our boy's master? 10,000 plus students…" Morgan pauses and flicks on a plastic lighter he'd had in his pocket. "And one has a serious fascination with fire" he finishes, flicking the lighter closed.

"Fire starting is one third of the homicidal triad…an early predictor of adult dissociative criminal behaviour. If we looked in his childhood, we'd probably find all three. Bedwetting…and cruelty to animals" Elle cuts in.

"Absent or abusive father, trouble with the opposite sec, chronic low self-esteem-M.O. would be dynamic. Evolving. Fire setting escalates, they thrive on panic, fear. It's just the standard profile of a serial arsonist" Gideon adds.

"Based on hundreds on interviews" Spencer agrees as Morgan says "based on precedent".

"Everything the unsub should be, according to research" Elle summarizes.

"We're off the mark" Hotch says, giving words to what the whole team has been thinking.

"Because of the two missing elements" Gideon concurs.

"Sex and power-the two motives that drive a serial arsonist" Morgan replies.

"And without them, we do not have a profile" Gideon finishes before walking away.


	6. Chapter 5

**A.N.** New chapter, yay. Some transitions may be rough, I blame the show. The camera will pan and sudenly someone will have changed locations, or will be in the middle of a phone call. Nbd in a TV show, but hard to deal with in a fanfic. Ah well, I did my best. Also to answer a question a few people have asked: will this just be rewritting the episodes. Yes and no, right now it's sticking really close to the episodes, but as Spencer and Derek get closer and stop being stupid about emotions things will change more and more. Sorry if it's a bit dull for now, I threw in some extra fluff at the end of this chapter as an apology. Reminder that as always the more people review the higher up on my priority list the next chapter goes! Also I'm on my summer break now (yay), but I'm also working 35 hours a week so hopefully time between chapters will be a bit quicker.

 **Loves' Denial**

 **Chapter 5-Episode 2 Part 2**

* * *

Hotch and Spencer are down in the chemistry lab. Some of the chemistry students had reported to Dean Turner that they'd figured out how the devices were made, and with a lack of other leads they'd decided to look into it. Spencer, who was not a fan of social interaction, was fiddling with a lightbulb. Hotch made his way over to the younger agent.

"Reid. Since you're their age, why don't you do the talking" he suggests. A glance at his boss' face shows him that no is not an option. Resigned, Spencer moves to stand in front of the students.

"Hi- hi, guys. Uh, my name's, uh, Dr. Spencer Reid. I'm a, uh, agent with the- the B.A.U., the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the F.B.I., which, um, it used to be called the B.S.U., the Behavioral Science Unit, but not anymore. They changed it to the B.A.U. Um, it's part of the N.C.A.V.C., the National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime which is also part of this thing called the C.I.R.G., the Critical Incident Response Group, and-" Spencer rambles.

"What he's trying to say is we'd love to know how you can help us" Hotch cuts in while Spencer shoots him a deeply grateful look.

One of the students stands up and esters to the lightbulb Spencer's still holding. "May I, please? Thank you" he says when Spencer hands it to him. He holds the lightbulb up. "See this? Drill a hole in the side and fill it with gasoline and whatever's good and flammable. Turn the light on. Boom. That is what went down isn't it?" he says.

"This stuff's all over the net" a nervous looking female student pipes up while playing with her ring. "Wanna know how to make a Molotov cocktail that sets itself on fire? Potassium, sulfur ad normal sugar. Sugar-sugar which is" she gets cut off.

"Not exactly plutonium. You could get this stuff anywhere" the male student finishes.

"Sugar from the supermarket" the female student agrees.

"But you don't need to be a Chem student to know that" Hotch observes.

"Do you think it's a Chem student?" Zhang asks the boy.

"You want to know what I think?" he responds. "I think" he holds the lightbulb up to his forehead, "it would be a good time to take a semester off". He finishes by handing the lightbulb back to Spencer.

* * *

The Next Day

Spencer sat outside leaning up against a tree contemplating the situation. He'd heard about the "for Karen" call that had come in the night before. Silently he watched the large exodus of students off campus or the semester before voicing a concern to Gideon, who had come to stand beside him.

"What if the unsub is one of the students leaving" he questions.

"No, he's not done yet. He's not going anywhere" Gideon counters with certainty. "Keep thinking" he orders.

"You mean, out-outside the box?" Spencer asks. "That's what Morgan's always telling me. He says that's why I can never beat you at chess".

"Well he's probably right" Gideon admits.

"But, I mean, in this situation what exactly is the box?" Spencer wonders.

"The standard profile of a serial arsonist. If everything you know goes in the box, what's left?" Gideon prompts.

"What you don't know. The unknown" Spencer supplies.

"Sometimes you have to get creative. Even if you think it's utterly unlikely, you have to think of things nobody else thought of" Gideon explains.

"Like a stutter" Spencer suggests slyly.

"Yeah, exactly" Gideon agrees.

* * *

Later with Derek

Derek was on the phone with Garcia hoping she'd managed to get something new out of the recorded message. Honestly, he was rather sick of all the worthless, and therefore pointless, interviews they'd been doing with Karens. Hopefully, another day of that wouldn't be on the menu.

"Ok, gorgeous, I've put this thing through every audio filter I've got. There's only one thing I can tell you for sure. This guy isn't saying "Karen". It's more like "Karone"." Garcia says. Derek feels a wave of relief, no more Karen interviews, before annoyance at all the time they'd wasted today sets in.

"Garcia, what the hell is Karone?" He demands.

"If I figure it out does it earn me a night of passionate lovemaking?" Garcia asks.

"Most definitely sweetness…with Reid" Derek jokes back, ignoring the slight stab of hurt and jealousy he gets picturing Reid with someone who was not him. He says bye to Garcia before turning his attention to the aforementioned team member, who was standing across the room from him.

"Hey Reid" he calls, getting a slight thrill when the other's attention is immediately turned on him. "Garcia says it's not Karen. It's actually something more like-" he cuts off as Gideon rushes into the room.

"Charown" Gideon finishes for him, much to his surprise.

"Charown?" Reid asks sounding adorably confused.

"Charown. I do it because of charown." Gideon repeats, which seems to explain everything to Reid.

"That's Hebrew" Reid notes.

"It's God's word in anger" Gideon specifies while Reid agrees with a 'yeah'.

"The motive is now religious?" Asks Elle, who had just come in carrying containers with dinner for the team.

"Well you know, in a lot of religions, God is related to fire" Reid points out.

"Well, Braham is fire in Hinduism, and the Jews see God as a pillar of fire, and Christians worship God as a consuming fire" Hotch muses.

"Ok, so we're lookin' for a theology major" Derek says as Elle tosses Reid a container of food, which he catches only to stare at. "Maybe he's punishing the other students for their sins" Derek suggests.

"I don't want this" Reid says quietly in the background while setting the food container down.

"What-what's the most sinful place on campus?" Elle wonders.

"Come on Elle. When I was in college, that was everywhere" Derek responds with a slight scoff.

"A fraternity?" Hotch suggests.

"A campus bar?" Elle says.

"No. Because that's not consistent with the previous targets" Hotch shoots the ideas down.

"What about the idea of baptism by fire? Aren't we all supposed to be tested through fire in revelations?" Derek points out.

Gideon, who up to this point had been focused on writing on the white board decides to pitch in, "look, it's good, it's goo, but let's please not jump to conclusions. Religion may be a part of it, but it's not necessarily the prime compulsion" he points out.

"Gideon, rush to conclusions, jump to conclusions. Who cares?" Derek argues, his frustrations coming out.

"We are running out of time" Elle agrees solemnly.

"Compulsion" Reid murmurs to himself, unheard in the background.

* * *

Later with Spencer

Spencer stared at the video of Matthew Rowland's death. There had to be something, some clue, in the video that they hadn't noticed yet. He tuned out Matthew's pained screaming and his roommate's panicking, trying to focus on what else he might see or hear. Sighing slightly to himself he rewinds and re-watches the video again. Still having found nothing new he stands and walks over to the whiteboard Gideon had been using earlier.

"Outside the box" he murmurs to himself as he erases everything on the board except the word fire. That he circles just as Gideon sticks his head through the doorway.

"Keep thinkin'. It's like chess. Don't look at just the next move. Try to look three moves ahead" Gideon advices before ducking back out and closing the door.

Spencer intends to do just that. Heading back over to the computer he once again rewinds the video watching as Matthew heads towards the door. Remembering something off the team had noticed he rewinds the video to the start again, but this time he zooms in on the doorknob, which turns three times jut before the fire starts.

"Three times" Spencer says aloud. Quickly he jumps up and makes his way to the faculty building and to the office of Professor Wallace, the last arson victim and casualty. Smudging some of the soot away from the door he reveals the office number: 3. He then turns and goes back to Matthew Rowland's dorm room. Searching the boy's stuff, he quickly finds a copy of Matthew's schedule.

"Professor Wallace, Tuesday, 3:00" he reads. Putting the paper down he heads out to where he thinks Hotch and Gideon will be. Thankfully he can see both in the room when he arrives.

"I know why the profiles never fit" he announces as he enters. "You were right to tell Morgan not to rely on precedent. The fires have been completely task oriented".

"So, once they're set the unsub is done?" Hotch clarifies.

"Exactly, the unsub is not a classical serial arsonist. He's someone who uses fire because of a completely different disorder" Spencer tells them.

"Which is?" Gideon prompts.

"An extreme manifestation of O.C.D., Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He does everything in threes, and if I'm right he'll have to kill again" Spencer finishes. Hotch and Gideon share a look before following Spencer back to the computer he'd been using to watch the video earlier.

"There's a form of O.C.D. called Scrupulosity" Spencer starts once they've gathered around the computer.

"Religious obsession and compulsion" Gideon says.

"An obsessive fear of committing sin, which creates so much anxiety that he's compelled to do something to ease that anxiety" Spencer explains.

"Like setting fires" Hotch murmurs.

"Where's the behavioural evidence?" Gideon asks.

"Right here" Spencer says starting the video. "All right. Remember the night of the three fires? We saw the doorknob turning against the lock" he reminds them as the zoomed in footage plays. "But he's not trying to get in. He's compelled to turn the doorknob three times" he summarizes.

"Well, what about the fires? The first ones were single fires. If the unsub was O.C.D., shouldn't they have all been in threes?" Gideon questions.

"They were in threes. A trinity of threes. The first fire occurred on March third" Spencer responds.

"Three pm, third day, third month" Gideon realizes.

"It's that convergence of threes that causes the overwhelming anxiety. Obsessive compulsives ease the anxiety by performing the compulsion" Spencer explains.

"What about the other fires? Professor Wallace?" Hotch asks.

"Office number 3. I checked for more patterns of threes. His class was on Tuesdays" Spencer replies.

"Third day of the week" Hotch mutters.

"Matthew Rowland was in that class. It was his third class of the day. If we looked into each of the fires we'd find a lot of patterns having to do with threes because our minds are incredibly adept at seeking out patterns. But to the unsub, once that pattern hits" Spencer pauses to snap his fingers. "Bam-he sets a fire" he finishes.

"But if the target was always people, why did no one die in the first few fires?" Hotch wonders.

"They were failures. Up until Matthew Rowland" Spencer responds. Hotch frowns and stares thoughtfully into the distance.

"What is it?" Gideon asks him.

"I think I know who it might be. And it's not a he, it's a she" Hotch reveals.

"Who?" Gideon demands pulling out his phone and dialing.

"Clara Hayes" Hotch says once the call has connected.

"Clara Hayes. A chemistry student. I'll get you her records now" Dean Turner's voice tells them from the phone.

"First get campus security out and find her. She could set her next fire within hours" Gideon advices. Turner makes a noise of agreement before hanging up.

"How do you know it's her?" Spencer asks once Gideon is off the phone.

"When we were talking to het and her classmates I noticed something-a ring on her finger. And she kept turning it" Hotch starts.

"At intervals?" Spencer guesses.

"Of three" Hotch confirms. "And she counted off the ingredients of a light bulb bomb" he adds jogging Spencer's memory.

"And the word "sugar"" he realizes aloud.

"Yeah. And she kept repeating it. Once she started, she couldn't stop" Hotch elaborates for Gideon.

"Yeah, it's palilia. It's the involuntary repetition of words. Howard Hughes had it when his O.C.D. worsened" Spencer explains.

"Clara and her classmates were working on a project about gravitational pull" Hotch remembers.

"The three-body problem" Gideon says seriously as they all share a look.

* * *

With Derek

Derek and Elle stood in front of the average looking door to the apartment of one Clara Hayes with a security guard just ahead of them. They all have their guns out just in case, and the guard opens the door and barges in shouting. Once he's done a sweep he calls back the all clear. Derek and Elle take that as their cue to put their guns away and enter the apartment. Derek looks around the place. The walls are covered in paper: handwritten notes, printed verses, and strange pictures. The word 'Fire' was a common theme throughout.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me. O.C.D.? I'm thinking more like OMG" Derek says as he takes it all in.

"O.M.G.?" Elle asks.

"Oh, my god" Derek elaborates.

"'A fire is kindled in my anger, and shall urn into the lowest hell.' Deuteronomy" Elle reads from one of the notes.

"And again, the fire of heaven came down and killed them all" Derek adds from another.

Looking around a bit more Elle spots a picture of a man on a boat, "I do this for Charon" she murmurs. "That' Charon" she adds louder indicating the image. "That's the Greek mythological ferryman of the dead". Derek barely notice his hands dialing out a number he knew by heart, but he feels a wave of comfort when Reid's voice greets him from the other side. Automatically Derek turns the phone to speaker to Elle can hear whatever info Reid may have as well.

"It's also the name of Pluto's only moon" Derek says before looking a bit further. "Paradise Lost, 'Moloch, horrid king, besmeared with the blood of human sacrifice and parent's tears" he reads.

"Moloch was the demon sun god of the Canaanites. In order to keep from incurring his wrath, the people would sacrifice their children to him by burning them alive" came Reid's voice from the phone. They could also hear the sound of printing paper and then came Hotch's voice.

"16-year-old survives inferno. The mother Ellen Hayes called it a miracle. "My Daughter was tested by God. He tested my child and she came through blessed." Look at the house number".

A moment passed with only the crinkle of paper before they heard Gideon saying "333". There was silence for a moment after that pronouncement before Hotch got Derek to confirm that had not been in her apartment before he hung the phone up for the time being.

"Hey Morgan, you know what magical thinking is?" Elle asks a couple of minutes later.

"Obsessive thoughts. It's like a superstition. It controls them" Derek answers.

"Kinda like 'step on a crack, break your mother's back'" Elle muses.

"Except she actually believes it" Derek points out.

"God tested her with fire, and now when three 3s show up around another person" Elle starts.

"God tells her to test them" Derek says holding up a bottle filled with a blueish liquid to examine. Just then his phone starts to ring. Putting the bottle down he notes that it's Hotch calling and answers it.

"Hey Hotch" Derek greets only to be cut off by his boss.

"Have you found anything that could tell us the next fire site yet?" Hotch demands.

"We're working on it, man. I don't think she would have left behind a day planner that says, 'set next fire here' in it" he answers.

"Just find whatever you can" Hotch responds with a sigh.

"I understand. Wait till you see this place" Derek replies. Just then Elle calls his name so he says, "I'll call you back" to Hotch and goes over to see what she'd found. He freezes once he was close enough to see, and immediately dials Hotch back.

"Hotch, we've got a problem" He says as soon as the phone is picked up. "There must be thirty homemade bombs in here".

"Morgan, seal the building, get everybody out of there, and walk away" Hotch orders and Derek makes an agreeing noise before hanging up and co-ordinating with Elle to do just that.

Everything after that was a rush of adrenaline and panic. Trying to clear all the buildings around campus and get everyone to safety. Derek, along with everyone else, is relieved when Clara is found and stopped just in time to prevent another fire and likely more deaths. The team meets up, and does a debrief, that is for Derek a total blur, with Dean Turner before they head back to the plane and home. For reasons he can't, or maybe won't, understand Derek keeps checking to make sure that Reid is alright. When he'd seen all those bombs and had realized Clara could be anywhere with any number more his thoughts had immediately jumped to the younger agent. Even as he tries to rationalize to himself that this is because Spencer is the weakest member of the team physically he can't seem to stop stroking the name-Spencer's name-on his wrist. And he realizes that even though Reid isn't his and he's meant for some other Spencer Reid out there he's still going to do all he can to protect this one. Of course, being so wrapped up in his own thoughts Derek doesn't notice the object of them constantly watching him out of the corner of his eye-as if afraid that Derek would disappear if he were to stop for even a second.

* * *

Faulkner once said, "Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself."


End file.
